Rape is like a violent storm that cuts a swath
through the lives of victims and those who love
them. Left in its wake are complex feelings of grief,
anger, confusion, fear, helplessness, isolation,
uncertainty, injustice, and a profound sense that
one’s world may never be the same again.
For many victims, rape is a defining moment that
divides in their lives . . . life before the rape and life
now. In some measure, the same is true for those
who are closest to the victim including husbands,
fathers, brothers, and male companions. For all,
one consequence of rape is that it can shape peoples’ perceptions of themselves and their
interactions with others. In particular, it seems as if
many of the rules that govern how victims and their
loved ones conduct their lives and relate to one
another are changed in the aftermath of rape.
How does a victim of rape regain control of her
life? As a man who loves her, what can you do to
help her recover? How can you preserve and
strengthen a relationship with someone you love if
she is raped? To answer these questions, you must
first understand what rape is.
Rape is an act of sexual violence that is usually
perpetrated by males against females, which is
accompanied by threat and intimidation, and which
is imposed upon a victim against her will. Rape is
about power, control, and domination. Rape is not about sex, though it is a violent crime that is expressed sexually . The victim has not “asked for it” and does not enjoy it. The victim was forced by someone who overpowered her, and possibly terrorized her with a weapon and threats
of extreme bodily harm. Rape is life-threatening
and life-altering; it severely traumatizes the victim.
Rape is a disturbingly frequent crime that occurs
thousands of times each year. Rape is one of the
least reported crimes, in part because many victims
fear how they might be treated if they divulge what
has happened. By choosing to remain silent, many
rape survivors are also trying to protect others from the consequences of their victimization. It is
an act of courage and trust for a woman to divulge
to another that she was raped.
Most of the resources of rape-crisis centers and
counseling facilities are directed toward providing
immediate help to the victim. But others also are in
a position to help, including men. Because of the
violent and sexual nature of rape, the husbands,
fathers, brothers, and male friends who are important to victims may have a difficult time
coming to terms with what has happened. Many
are well-intentioned and want to help, but do not
know what to do. Yet these males often have the
greatest impact on her recovery — positively or
negatively — depending on what they say and how they act.
Although most males want to help, many are ill-
prepared to respond constructively. This may be
because they think of rape as a “woman’s
problem.” They have little understanding of how
rape will affect the victim's relationship with the person
they love. To make matters worse, myths about rape compound the difficulties of recovery for
victims. For next sriting i will post about how to assist your beloved as rape victim.
through the lives of victims and those who love
them. Left in its wake are complex feelings of grief,
anger, confusion, fear, helplessness, isolation,
uncertainty, injustice, and a profound sense that
one’s world may never be the same again.
For many victims, rape is a defining moment that
divides in their lives . . . life before the rape and life
now. In some measure, the same is true for those
who are closest to the victim including husbands,
fathers, brothers, and male companions. For all,
one consequence of rape is that it can shape peoples’ perceptions of themselves and their
interactions with others. In particular, it seems as if
many of the rules that govern how victims and their
loved ones conduct their lives and relate to one
another are changed in the aftermath of rape.
How does a victim of rape regain control of her
life? As a man who loves her, what can you do to
help her recover? How can you preserve and
strengthen a relationship with someone you love if
she is raped? To answer these questions, you must
first understand what rape is.
Rape is an act of sexual violence that is usually
perpetrated by males against females, which is
accompanied by threat and intimidation, and which
is imposed upon a victim against her will. Rape is
about power, control, and domination. Rape is not about sex, though it is a violent crime that is expressed sexually . The victim has not “asked for it” and does not enjoy it. The victim was forced by someone who overpowered her, and possibly terrorized her with a weapon and threats
of extreme bodily harm. Rape is life-threatening
and life-altering; it severely traumatizes the victim.
Rape is a disturbingly frequent crime that occurs
thousands of times each year. Rape is one of the
least reported crimes, in part because many victims
fear how they might be treated if they divulge what
has happened. By choosing to remain silent, many
rape survivors are also trying to protect others from the consequences of their victimization. It is
an act of courage and trust for a woman to divulge
to another that she was raped.
Most of the resources of rape-crisis centers and
counseling facilities are directed toward providing
immediate help to the victim. But others also are in
a position to help, including men. Because of the
violent and sexual nature of rape, the husbands,
fathers, brothers, and male friends who are important to victims may have a difficult time
coming to terms with what has happened. Many
are well-intentioned and want to help, but do not
know what to do. Yet these males often have the
greatest impact on her recovery — positively or
negatively — depending on what they say and how they act.
Although most males want to help, many are ill-
prepared to respond constructively. This may be
because they think of rape as a “woman’s
problem.” They have little understanding of how
rape will affect the victim's relationship with the person
they love. To make matters worse, myths about rape compound the difficulties of recovery for
victims. For next sriting i will post about how to assist your beloved as rape victim.
